Grief comes in all forms, shapes and sizes.
It looks, feels and sounds different for every individual.
The worst thing you can do is tell someone how to deal with their grief. It’s theirs, not yours.
The best thing you can do is give them the space and time they need and let them know you’re there for them.
The best thing you can do for yourself when grieving is give yourself all the time and space you need to process your grief. Know there is not an “end date”. One day though, you will eventually begin to feel better. You get there one breath, moment, step and day at a time.
Can one prepare? Sort of. You can learn or be aware of coping tools, but you cannot really expect to know how you’re going to feel, until you do.
The worst thing you can do is not allow yourself to grieve. That’s like setting yourself up to ram right into a brick wall going mock five. It’s harsh, unloving and unmanageable.
I’m not writing this because I’m a grief counselor or psychologist, I’m writing this because I understand how precious the process of grief is. It is powerful, but it can also be meaningful. I am writing this to share, that You, precious individual, are worthy of allowing yourself to grieve when the time comes. And it will come, time and time again, because whether your grief stems from death, termination of a relationship or career, emotional and or physical trauma - even the world turmoil at large - what ever your grief is related to is worthy of you allowing yourself to experience it; give yourself the time and care you are worthy of receiving.
Know that your body is going to do its best to help you externalize your emotions. You may feel the need to sleep, cry, eat a lot or a little, scream or be silent - trust that your body is supporting you in the best way it can. You, in turn, will need to support your body the best way you can. Love it the way it ultimately loves you. Rest when you need to, try to eat regularly, interact only with those that don’t feel draining…be selective with your energy.
Just in the category alone of a loved one’s death, my body has had a range of reactions from a bloody nose at the shock of a friend’s passing, to collapsing in a heap on the floor, to being so angry I wanted to throw my computer through the window and scream f**k a thousand times, to softly crying during a sunset. Though they ranged, none was more or less significant than the other. But, I will say this, the “gentler” reactions were when I could prepare myself with the truth - of knowing the end was near and that I was allowed to grieve.
If you are privileged to spend time with someone you love at their life’s end, please, for their sake and yours, do. That time and love will not be in vain. You will find comfort in being able to be there and share your love with them in their last days. This presence and time will serve you long down the road.
Being vulnerable and open does not make you weak, it in fact, shows just how courageous you are. Know you are resilient and eventually the hurt, sadness and what ever other conflicting, roller-coaster emotions will lessen.
You, are so worthy of the time needed by your emotional, mental, energetic and physical body to just be and breathe….to eventually feel healed in your heart. Resting and restoring is an essential part of healing. When you feel ready, please try reach out to others rather than isolate yourself.
““You show your humanity by how you see yourself as not apart from others but from your connection to others.” ”
I feel called to share this at the cusp of our holiday season, because grief can feel more prominent during this time of year. While it may be expected that everyone is “merry and bright” - you may not feel that way. That, my friend, is perfectly ok. Don’t force it - don’t “fake it until you make it”. Give yourself some self-love and provide your process with what ever is needed.
If I can be of any support, please let me know. Whether it is channeling, healing touch, a customized yoga practice or all three for a personalized Soul Rejuvenation healing session, I am here for you. If you need any recommendations for another modality, I would be happy to refer you - to share my trusted tribe of healing practitioners.
The Light and the Shadow in me honor the Light and the Shadow in You. Always.