I received my second vaccine a month ago and boy was it a doozy! I didn’t experience the same roller coaster side effects as I did with the first dose, but I did have a low grade fever and fatigue for an entire week. It felt so…foreign.
I had not experienced that kind of exhaustion before. I was well aware there was a lot going on: an online yoga teacher training, the vaccine running its course through my body and immune system, and my moon cycle. My body was undergoing and processing quite a lot. That I knew and understood, but the feeling of….feeling so down was alarming.
I observed myself on the precipice of suffering, but was wise enough to not jump off that ledge. The potential to suffer was in the ability to give power to my Ego. To my Ego, the various symptoms of fatigue were setting off alarm bells. “Uh oh! Something is wrong! Alert! Alert! Am I in a depression? Are my hormones rocky? What is wrong with me?!”
But, there wasn’t. In fact, everything about me and the way my body responded was absolutely perfect. My body simply needed rest. Once I realized what was happening and why and once I accepted it, I was able to relax into lounging. The experience took on a nurturing sense. I adopted Couch-Asana with grandeur and absorbed Netflix with grace and ease.
There were a few times my Ego flared up after the acceptance. I could see resentment rearing its head because I was forced to rest. I felt as though time had been taken away from me; in being able to do all I need to do. This was not planned retreat, followed by a yummy massage and pedicure (sigh)….the down time was out of my control and my Ego did not approve. I took my Ego by the hand and mindfully walked it through all that was going on, all my body was processing and how this time of rest was essential. Eventually, my Ego understood that I was given time and even enjoyed a movie or two
I realized that a part of what made the fatigue so foreign was also in the idea of allowing myself to rest without worrying about anything. A false belief loomed from long ago, that said enjoying this down time meant I was selfish and lazy. I never understood the connection, but my mother was certain that’s what it meant. While I have done a lot of emotional healing around my mother, my loving, loyal body still had the belief stored. The “forced” rest became an opportunity to grant my body release of the shadow belief.
My mother was a product of our society. We are conditioned to believe that we need to earn our time of leisure. Many of us feel propelled to put off “down time” until that special occasion or we can take that dream vacation. We work hard and we work many hours so that we can afford those times of enjoyment. But sadly, we forfeit our essential time of rest because it is seen as unproductive, lazy, even weak.
Our culture is geared to “do and do more.” Today’s technology reinforces the efficiency in all that we do, which in turns helps keep our economy thriving. Corporations have spent a lot of money engraining this idea into our society to ensure our economy’s growth and continual success. The manufactured mantra seems to be, “Do more, work more, so you can earn more, so you can buy more and buying more means you’re able to buy more happiness.” It’s a carrot at the end of a fishing line and who doesn’t enjoy a freshly plucked carrot? Technology and the belief of “doing more” go hand in hand like best friends walking down a candy lane into the eternal sunshine.
Our bodies are continually telling us and showing us that we really do need to rest, and rest comes in the time afforded to ourselves when we S.T.O.P. Rather than waiting for all systems to crash or be forced to brake, we need take it upon ourselves to carve out sacred time for a siesta. And, not just every now and then; consistently. Monthly, weekly, daily, even hourly. Whether it is a nature stroll, a nap, a glass of wine, an overdue conversation with a close friend, a minute to recite an affirmation….or simply nothing at all, time afforded for thyself to relax and renew is invaluable. You are invaluable, a precious gift to many, and you can’t be a radiant gift without needed renewal.
“Because we do not rest, we lose our way. We miss the compass points that would show us where to go, we bypass the nourishment that would give us succor. We miss the quiet that would give us wisdom. We miss the joy and love of effortless delight.”
Self nourishing simply needs to feel effortless. It is a chance to reconnect to your inherent wisdom, to hear the gentle whispers of your intuition. It can be a practice of honoring yourself, your life and loved ones; all that you cherish. May you give yourself this time. My wish is that we all grant ourselves this time of grace. Imagine, how different our world could be if we did.