I was eleven years old when I first shaved my legs. They had to be smooth for beach day. When I ran into the ocean, the salt water burned my freshly exfoliated legs like a wild fire. I took it like a champ and just figured it was “one of those things that made you a woman”. I didn’t question WHY I believed it necessary to endure the discomfort. Going to the beach became something of a chore and less of a joy as it became more about appearance and less about fun.
As I grew into my teens and 20’s I did not question what was needed to be sexy. I just did it. From uncomfortable bras, torturous bikini waxes, to sitting in a hair stylist’s chair for what felt like forever to get perfect highlights…..what was supposed to be beautifying, now in hind sight, seemed like a hazing process into woman-hood.
I invested a lot of effort trying to excel UP to expectations of what I thought a man would find attractive. I had society consistently telling me how important that was. Endless advertisements supplied their infinite commentary.
This induced belief system required a process of discomfort, a lot of time, and some pain to be deemed worthy of looking sexy. But, did I feel sexy? I honestly don’t think so. I had been so invested into looking sexy that I barely checked in to see if I felt sexy.
Ready to feel sexy and take charge of my sensuality, I took a pole dancing class in my early 30’s. Bold and brave, I showed up to that 6-week class with a, “Here I am world, hear me roar” attitude. Here’s what I learned.
It took a GREAT deal of upper body strength to look graceful and not to bash your face or boobs into that pole. Kudos to all the pole dancers in the world who make this look easy.
One could get really dizzy practicing. I made myself so nauseous one time I almost threw up spinning around that damn pole. Not sexy.
The S-curve that a woman’s body can create is what is sexy. It doesn’t mean you need have an hourglass figure or dress a certain way. It’s about connecting to your sensual serpentine energy. That was empowering.
My 40 year old self today says, “Bullshit.”
No more bikini waxes, uncomfortable bras or coloring and straightening my hair. No more mimicking society’s definition as my own standards of what it means to be sexy. No more sacrificing comfort for cuteness. No. More. Bullshit.
“It’s fine if you want to shave your legs, just think about why you’re doing it. Think critically about where it’s coming from and why you’re engaging with those ideas.”
I now question everything. Ladies, we need to question everything ever programmed within us. If it doesn’t make you feel good; toss it. Disregard the daily bombardment of ads that tell you how you need to look. Per the marketing firm Yankelvich, Inc., the average person was exposed to about 5,000 ads per day in 2018.
Explore what makes you feel good. Find what makes you feel like the beautiful woman you already are. Have an opinion. Use your voice. Look more analytically at your beliefs about yourself.
As you learn and understand your unique sensuality, please practice forgiveness. For yourself and to the women who came before you. Generations pass down belief systems. It is important to understand why and to forgive those women. We can learn from them and we are meant to. It does not serve us to be angry or blame them. After all, we have been wrapped in the same web together. We each need to recognize and celebrate our individual strengths and gifts and to support one another.
The act of appreciating my body is in allowing myself to stop, listen and sense what resonates with me. While I may not be a roaring lioness on the strip pole, I am a bad ass goddess. I understand the beauty of my body; as it is and not for what it “should” be. The practice of yoga helped me developed an inner connection to my body and spirit. I now appreciate my body’s magnificent capabilities and embrace what attributes make me ME, both inside and out. Perhaps for you, it is a luxurious bath, or leisurely walk in nature - what ever helps you get in touch with your inner self - do it, honor it.
Recently after a shower with my hair wet like a mop, wearing raggedy jean shorts and a t-shirt, my husband said to me, “Wow, you’re hot.”
Me: (I looked down at my outfit and laughed) Like this?
Hubby: Yeah. You’re comfortable and that’s hot.”
Best.
Compliment.
Ever.
“Mouthpiece” is an acclaimed theater piece about the female experience.
For more information, please visit:
http://www.quoteunquotecollective.com/mouthpiece/