Ever since I could remember, I have been flooded with images on what the “perfect female” looks like. In my early teens the female silhouette that was en vogue was the curvy, hour glass and models like Christy Brinkley and Cindy Crawford embodied them. Me, being rail thin with no curves in sight, took it to mean that my body wasn’t special. I was different from the magazines, many peers, friends and family and began to feel unattractive. Once that seed was planted, it thrived.
I don’t suppose I ever fit the mold of a typical little girl. I loved playing cowboys, getting dirty, playing with bugs and hated wearing dresses and combing my hair. My first best friend was a boy and I would much rather play with his Star War toys than my barbie dolls and read his dinosaur books over my “cutesier books”. To this day, I still like getting dirty and building stuff.
I’m mentally boggled by the “traditional tasks of being female”; what women are supposed to do.” I don’t mean the ultra-cliche chores like cleaning and cooking. I don’t mind cooking and I like a clean house because I like a clean house. That has nothing to do with my gender, though I know there are people in the world who think so. I’m talking about society saying women need to be pretty, friendly and sexy at all times.
One time, while I waited on cue to have my photo taken for a Costco membership card, a man whom I didn’t know said, “Smile, you’ll look prettier.”
Excuse me, Mr. Poo-Poo, I’m not your cheerleader.
My friend Kelly, who used to model, would spend time practicing holding sultry poses so that during a photo shoot, the awkwardness of the postures didn’t hurt as much and thus looked more natural.
I’ve been told I have a “strong personality”. I am honest, outspoken, protective of my loved ones, am a leader and can be assertive. Those are traits that are typically associated as being masculine and because I embody them, I’ve been described as abrasive. When I have gotten angry, there are men who have tried to shame me by saying that I’m aggressive. A woman can’t get mad but is only expected to get emotional. Bullshit.
Personality wise, I am who I am. I don’t try to pretend otherwise. As a human being, I am entitled to not always be “on” in order to make someone feel better. As an individual, how I express myself should not be a threat to anyone. As a female, my voice should be heard as equal and my choices seen just as powerful and positive as a man’s. It is my hope that one day all men will understand their own sense of masculinity, because if they did, then they would know it can’t be threatened.
At 41 years of age, I have finally come to a place of self-awareness and self-love wherein I appreciate my physical body. Yoga helped me embrace the individual beauty of my form. It was through the asanas that I began to redefine each inch of myself, from criticism into appreciation. I now know that every decade has a female silhouette that’s in fashion and society will encourage all women to try and fit into the mold. I dress MY body for what makes me feel good, from the inside out. After 20 years, I have stopped straightening my hair. I was lead to believe that smooth hair was more sophisticated, cleaner and neater. I’ve let my wild waves roam free and it feels great!
The pendulum is shifting; the divine feminine energy is rising and expanding. It’s being talked about, acted out and shared. Women are using their voices and working together to support one another.
I’m blessed to have found a life-partner that doesn’t expect me to fulfill certain house-chores just because I’m a woman. I take the trash bins out, mow the lawn and every blue moon get in the mood to bake. My hubby and I make a good team in the kitchen. It seems to amaze some people. Recently, fresh out of the shower, wearing cut-off jean shorts and a nondescript t-shirt, my husband said that he found me at my sexiest, because I didn’t care what anyone thought.
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes for all my Soul Sisters. Please know you are loved, worthy and beautiful - JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
“Wild moon woman
you were not made
to be tame.
You are an earthquake
shaking loose
everything that is not soul.
Shake, woman, shake”
~ Anonymous