After I nearly slashed a shower curtain to shreds, the dreams began. Vivid and effusive, they delivered a profound healing of forgiveness.
For months after my grandmother Carmen’s death, I battled my guilty conscious. She had asked for me during her last days and I resisted until the very end. There, amidst the family gathered, I stood near her bed, with my two year old cousin in my arms, and witnessed her draw her last breath. As I watched her energy leave her body, I sensed her essence fill the room.
The dreams held hours of conversation with Carmen. They filled many nights, over several months. We communicated through emotions and a language not perceived by word of mouth, but through sensing. I would cry, deep tears of anguish and apologize incessantly.
In our final conversation, seated upon the small love seat in the living room of our house, I professed my guilt and sorrow one last time and she professed her forgiveness and I felt it.
Months later….
One afternoon, as I laid down for a nap, I heard my grandmother whistling down the hall. I heard her rustling about and she eventually made her way to my room. I saw her soft, brown wavy head of hair and that she was wearing her favorite sweater. I felt the gentle pressure of her hands upon the comforter as she tucked me. Her hand ran down my left arm and near my hand, sending a warmth into my entire body. The sense was so deep, it washed through me. It felt divine and I knew it for what it was: pure love and peace.
In my late-20’s….
While journaling I received the words, “He see’s red”, as though someone had whispered into my ear. It didn’t compliment my train of thought nor did the penmanship match my own. I recognized the hand writing; it was my grandmother Carmen’s. I got the sense to call my friend Steve, a fire fighter. Carmen had a fondness for Steve, as he and I had grown up together.
I called Steve.
Me: Dude, this is going to sound crazy but…. (I explained the story).
Steve: (Laughter) Oh man! (More laughter)
Me: (Cringing on the other end of the phone line)
Steve: I happen to be home today because I’m officially on medical leave. Last night, our team was called to put out a kitchen fire. I was in the kitchen when there was an explosion and I was thrown back against a wall. Just before I blacked out, I saw red.”
Journaling became a practice of allowing messages from Carmen to come through. Each message was beautiful, profound and filled with a sense of peace. I didn’t know what to do with this gift or what to call it. I wasn’t a traditional psychic as I was not able to see or predict the future.
Eventually, I shared my ability with my mother and a few family members. My mother eventually shared it with one of her brothers Pete, whom had a psychic ability of his own and believed.
After my Uncle Pete lost his wife Marion to breast cancer, he came to me and asked that I channel a message from Marion. No information was provided. Knowing he was in deep grief and said, “Sure thing, Tio Pete.”
I said a little prayer and wrote down what ever came through. Once the message seemed complete, I translated the portions where the language was a challenge to comprehend, typed it up and emailed it to my uncle. It went on like that for a few years: he’d ask for a message, I’d channel, type it up and send it. My uncle offered no feedback; I had no clue if anything I channeled was accurate.
About a year later, Uncle Pete said, “You know, Tania, your messages have really helped me. They’re right on. There were times when your messages contained things that only Marion and I knew. My questions were usually answered.”
He had questions?!
Too Pete helped groom my ability to channel. What had seemed like a blind tap-in was truly a connection of trust. Trusting spirit and myself. Not knowing what my uncle’s questions were allowed me to receive messages without being filtered by looking for an answer.
Over time, the way messages come through has evolved. I receive images, colors, banners of words, and can now see and sense energy in people too. I tap into the Spirit Realm to connect with Departed Loved Ones, one’s Higher Consciousness, Spirit Guides and other energy beings (including pets). Think of it like raising an antenna to reach a particular frequency. My extrasensory ability is called Clairaudient: I hear the messages.
I ask that clients do not share any questions with me before a session. This allows for what comes through to be pure and untainted without any expectations or guidelines. There is no hocus-pocus, no need for my clients to stand on their heads or meditate during the time of the channeling. Messages are filled with love, compassion and wisdom.
I still connect with my grandmother. She visits from time to time in dreams and through aromas. Her’s is the scent of baby powder and roses. I also connect with my mother on a regular basis, Kelly my friend, and any spirit someone requests me to.
About two years ago, a medium looked at me and said, “Your grandmother gifted you this ability.” What both my grandmother and mother have said to me is that it’s taken generations for all of us to get to the Is-ness of this ability. With careful design and faithful agreements, through various lifetimes, was all intended to have me step out and share this gift now, rather than hide away with it. I believe, as they do, that this gift is intended to help people, just as it has helped me.
I am a channeler and healer.