Forgive Yourself Forward

In a state of self-reflection, I had placed myself on the precipice of self-loathing. Though the intention was to review and learn from my missteps, my initial perspective held them as mistakes. About to hurl myself down the rabbit hole, Spirit made the above statement. 

“Forgive yourself forward.”

As though I was stopped from taking a running leap, I was lovingly told to take a seat. “Stop. Sit down, settle in.” Messages from Spirit often speak on how practicing self-love and self-acceptance in the now is essential to cultivating love, acceptance and appreciation for our future selves. What we do now pays it forward. How we think and feel about ourselves today determines how we think and feel about ourselves tomorrow and then. 

Our culture has conditioned us to believe that we’re not enough and won’t be enough unless we do more than enough. This conditioning has us steeped in shame, always with a half empty cup, resulting in a continual manifestation of “not being enough”. This rhetoric programming is something I continuously and consciously work to overwrite every day and I lemme tell you, it is constant challenge.

It occurred to me one day as I stared at my reflection, if I didn’t began to practice self-love, whatever my “end goal” was, loving myself would not magically begin and suddenly pour through me. It simply wouldn’t ever be. The moment was so serene and sad, to realize I didn’t love myself then and because I didn’t, it could mean I never would learn to. I had to veer myself away from the shadow mantra of, “once I am a certain way (that I think I should be), I will be able to love myself. Then I will be worthy.” I began to see the various milestones in which I had never “rewarded” myself with the self-love promised.

So, from that moment forward, I began the earnest practice of self-acceptance through self-nourishing practices; thoughts, things and actions that made me feel good in the now.

Self-love, self-acceptance and self-care does not suddenly materialize through your being when you “finally get there”, wherever “there” is for you. It will always be further down the road; the carrot at the end of the stick, you chasing your tail. Self-forgiveness is a value that must also be woven into your life tapestry. Self-forgiveness must also be practiced now. Whether you are looking back at yourself or looking forward, just like self-love, self-forgiveness also needs to be paid forward. Without it we fall into life-paralysis, afraid to take chances for fear of making mistakes, being exposed, abandoned….

I am not discouraging accountability. No, in fact, accountability is essential. It serves us to take an honest look at ourselves in order to reflect and learn. Recognizing that mistakes are stepping stones builds resilience and fosters a foundation upon which we can grow compassionately. Self-compassion is like the mortar that glues each stone together. When you can experience self-compassion and self-forgiveness it is easier to look upon your actions and words and recognize when you need to apologize and to forgive, whether it be yourself or another being.

When those moments of shame strike, create a circuit of self-awareness through your body, breath and mind with the following practice. 

Plant your feet upon a surface. Feel the weight of your body all the way down through your legs and feet. Take a few deep breaths and soften your belly. Bring your hands together in front of your heart and rest your forehead upon the steeple of your hands. Close your eyes and allow the weight of your head to rest on the support of your hands and arms. The gentle pressure upon your forehead can be an invitation to let go. Feel your emotions, sink into your body and breath awareness. Just be.

The practice of bowing our head is symbolic of surrendering our Ego. The Ego must be shifted out of the way for us to drop down into our heart to access our ancient wisdom and compassion.  This practice can become a powerful way to anchor yourself so that you can move forward with perspective and not be reactive out of guilt or fear. And, it only takes a few moments.

Self-forgiveness is a continual process that is powerful for our self-care and to our personal growth. Each step towards it is an essential part of the journey of your individual evolution. At its core, self-forgiveness empowers us to move forward with self-compassion, enabling us to embrace and celebrate our inherent worthiness.

We are made to dance with life; not to stand still. We’re organic creatures made to move about, explore, expound, learn, grow, evolve. Trust that you’re showing up the best that you can. It does not help us to withhold self love and forgiveness as a way to either punish or correct ourselves into possible perfection. Perfection doesn’t exist. Forgive yourself.

We’re all going to make blunders, boo-boo’s, oopsies but it is not because we’re failures. We’re simply human. Forgive yourself forward just as you love yourself forward.

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Tania Isaac is an experienced Spiritual Guidance Channeler, Pet Communicator, Integrative Energy Healer and certified yoga instructor who specializes in blending healing modalities to create unique healing sessions. She is located in Santa Barbara, CA where she lives with her husband and their rescued dog Oreo. Her mission is to empower empaths and help individuals connect with their innate metaphysical and healing abilities. Visit her website to learn more about her offerings: www.taniaisaac.com

Overcoming the Mind - a Powerful Transition

One of the most daunting aspects of deepening one’s self awareness is becoming aware of how you think. Paying attention to our thoughts can have a tremendous impact on our mental wellness and self esteem. That is why the goal of meditation and many spiritual practices is to create enough internal space so you can begin to witness your thoughts. When we can observe our thoughts, we create the possibility of preventing negative beliefs from being powerful influencers. But, confronting our self-talk of self-sabotage can be quite challenging.

It is difficult in itself to recognize how often we belittle ourselves and keep ourself “stuck”. Know that you’re not at fault for thinking this way; our mindsets are conditioned and have been programmed to trust the negative more than the positive, especially when the “facts” have been vetted. The mind will naturally disregard the newest information because “new” is not trusted. One way this can show up for many people is when receiving praise: compliments contrast pre-existing shadow beliefs. 

The thing about our mind is that it believes it is being helpful by keeping us safe. The mind is clever and very solution-oriented. If we are not watchful, it will automatically fill in gaps of missing information with assumptions and made-up stories. Every time this happens we are rewarded with a dose of dopamine. We literally get high when we create a narrative - true or false. The mind strategically combines these techniques to prevent change because new and different can be very threatening. As a result negative thoughts will flow to make sure alterations do not happen. That’s why many people will settle for what is familiar, even if it is unhealthy. 

In order to manifest and sustain conscious change in our lives, we have to work with our mind like we are training a puppy. Gentle encouragement that rewards the requested behavior. Step one:  become aware of a negative thought or belief system. Like a puppy, we don’t yell or ridicule the thought or action, we simply notice and then encourage change, compassionately. Step two: once aware, we then intentionally replace the adverse thought or beliefs with new and positive ones. This becomes the practice until the shift within happens. Notice, acknowledge and implement change by distracting your mind. Just like bribing a puppy with a treat.

The distraction - the treat - are the positive thoughts that replaces the pessimistic ones. For each negative thought, the brain needs to hear a positive thought five times just to “neutralize” its mindset. Eventually, the repetition will shift the gloom towards the light. Repetition takes time but it has proven to be very powerful. Louise Hay (one of my superheroes) was renowned for demonstrating the power of affirmations to bring about self-healing and positive change. Hay suggested writing down an affirmation at least five times, for twenty one days. Affirmations shift your focus and help you cultivate positive energy. Affirmations are the original positive influencers!

At the end of my Soul Rejuvenation workshops, every attendee is invited to randomly select a Louise Hay affirmation card. They always seem to select one that resonates with them personally. In seeing this happen again and again, I believe every individual is capable of change and that we innately know what it is that we need and call it to ourselves. The biggest hurdle is always our mind and affirmations can be loving reminders that change is possible.

Throughout the process of reviewing and “revamping” it is important to be kind and patience with yourself; you’re unweaving a tightly woven way of believing, undoing one knot at a time. We each have had a lot of years getting really good at negative self talk so cultivating a new conversation will take time and lot of self love. I promise this road is well worth the journey, because on the other side is a greater capacity to love and the entire process is about living compassionately and beginning to experience your sense of self worth.

“Your mind is like a constant prayer.
Whatever it is focused on, will be.”

— LB

As my dear friend LB says, “Your mind is like a constant prayer. What ever it is focused on, will be.” I believe the practice of repetition is helpful for all of us. Whether you pray, meditate, chant, write or recite affirmations, the practice of positive repetition is extremely beneficial for our sense of well-being. Though the brain is a powerful thing to overcome, once we learn how to get past the hurdles of our mind, we can begin to see and feel how amazing we each really are. Our thoughts have a powerful impact on how we see and feel about ourselves and can shape our lives. 

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Soul Rejuvenation is a unique healing workshop that blends restorative yoga, channeling and hands on healing. Sound healing and essential oils are also integrated. This holistic workshop is intended to help heal and rejuvenate the mind, body and soul. Tania holds this event throughout the year in Santa Barbara. To learn more, visit www.taniaisaac.com/special-events

How Do I Age With Grace?

When I was twenty five years old I discovered my first white hair. I plucked it out, looked at it, decided it was the end of the world, and went back to bed. Later, I of course posted about it on Facebook and received various commiserating comments. I realized I was not alone in feeling sad about aging. My reaction was dramatic because many of my elders colored their hair, especially the women. My response imitated what I saw modeled by the elders around me; shame. There was and still is such a stigma of embarrassment around fading hair color and almost anything aging-related. A truth many people are unaware of is that when one ages, their entire complexion - skin, eyes and hair - all transition in harmony. Unfortunately, many do not allow themselves the opportunity to see this because they feel so pressed upon to hit the pause button. 

Everywhere we turn, we are inundated with messages on how not to appreciate our natural selves. It is burned into our self perceptions that we must always “better ourselves” and to remain young looking is the key to happiness, being loved and accepted. In a documentary a fashion expert said (something along the lines of), “Fashion has never been designed to meet the needs of the consumer…it is geared to make you want to be the person in the commercial images…to make you feel inadequate otherwise.” Marketing tactics are geared to make many fear aging. Trends are determined by fashion and cosmetic industries, not us.

Whatever symbolism of youth one chooses to hold onto is unique to them. I do not mind my increasing number of gray hairs, but it took me awhile to accept when it was time to permanently remove my navel ring. In 2021, my doctor and surgeon required my navel piercing be removed before the procedure. It was the first time it had been taken out in nearly thirty years. To me, my navel looked naked without it. After my abdomen mended, I had the piercing reinserted to commemorate my healing. And….quite honestly, my Ego needed it. That belly ring was a bookmark and symbolism of my self agency. 

Over the decades, the piercing’s setting progressively moved closer to the epidermis until there was nothing between my skin and the ring. The time had come; it was time to remove the piercing permanently. I knew the day would come eventually, but I had to sit with it for a while. I removed my belly button ring for the last time in May 2022. I anticipated being emotional, but instead I found myself in awe. The removal process was quick and easy: the ring slid out in one smooth move. As I gazed upon the jewelry in my hand, I marveled at how something so tiny once held such a sense of empowerment. Rather than grief, I instead felt love and admiration of my younger-self for having done what she wanted to do; it was her body, her will.

That said, every time I look upon my belly now it looks naked. I am still becoming familiar without it being dressed. In truth, everything about my stomach is different; I have a C-section scar, my waist size is different, the consistency of the skin is softer - everything is different. I choose to hold my tummy with humility, rather than remorse, for it is mine and it is now just adorned…differently.

Upon entering my 40’s, I stopped being apologetic and began releasing the idea of perfection and instead began to embrace self acceptance. I’ve done away with intense exercises to force-fix and mold my body because it is unkind and they just don’t feel good. At one point in time, high intensity work outs and hill sprints that put me on the brink of nausea served their purpose - or so I believed. Every so often I see images of myself throughout the decades 20’s, 30’s, early 40’s and as I look at myself I think, “Why did I think I was so (insert negative description here)? It was an old story that played itself on a loop.

Mindfulness: The self approach today requires being present to my thoughts so I can catch the self-shaming before it begins. That means not just the inner dialogue, but also the judgmental comments that could fly out of my mouth about someone else. For those we judge exemplify how we judge ourselves. What ever negative rhetoric we say, our subconscious hears it and it reinforces our negative self perception. On and on the wheel spins - if you allow it.

My reflection: Here is an example I’m sure many can relate to. Recently my eyes locked onto the reflection of my body and my gaze instantly went to where it is trained to go for an “evaluation” - to my bum. I realized, even before the criticism began it made me feel sad. I took a breath, moved my gaze to another part of my body and chose to appreciate it. I did not deny my initial feeling and then cultivated positive ones in its place. I walked away from the mirror carrying that with me and not shame.

Stop comparisons: Every comparison you make is an opinion against yourself. Comparisons reinforce the stories, that deepen the shadow beliefs, that taint how you see yourself. Life is not a competition, nor should you be at war within yourself. Comparisons take energy that could otherwise be invested into creating new ways of thinking and being that are healthy.

Recognize opportunities for self love vs humiliation: My hubby and I will soon travel to Costa Rica to relax in a cozy cabin by the beach. A younger me would be a harsh critic and view my body as far from perfect. A list of all my flaws would be compiled to catapult myself into a regime of “bettering myself.” I’m not buying into that today. I’m not dieting or even stepping on a scale. Today, I consciously chose to honor and celebrate my body just as it is.

Cultivate well-being a feeling good about myself: I walk daily and practice yoga four to five days a week. The type of yoga varies day to day based on how I feel and what my body needs. Some days I simply lay on the ground and breathe. I approach my practice as a meditation. I tune into the way muscles feels, the rhythm of my breath, to simply recognizing the here and now. I share this not to suggest you should do the same, but to encourage you to do what feels good to you. Our body provides guidance, we just have to be wiling to listen. 

I have learned the relationship I cultivate with myself can be beautiful and love filled. I do my best to fully see myself with love and compassion. I choose to accept what is naturally changing now and what will change over time. As the color and texture of my hair changes so are the color of my irises; the edges have begun to fade from amber-brown into a navy blue. My skin is softer and lines in my face are starting to appear. I love them all.

What I have begun to scrutinize is my clothing: if it doesn’t make me feel good about myself out it goes. I no longer wear form-fitting T-shirts, cropped tanks, low-waisted pants - this way I don’t ever have to worry about my tummy puffing out. Guess who is going to enjoy her meal without worrying about bloating? This girl! The length of my shorts are now 5” versus 3” so I’m never wondering, “Are my butt cheeks hanging out? Do they look good?” Nope, none of that. I’m now interested in clothing that makes me feel good versus clothing that I hope makes me look good. Cute, cozy and comfy is my new fashion motto.

I believe the key to eternal youth is loving thyself, being honest and kind to yourself. We have got to love ourself forward. The love will not suddenly bloom once you reach your idealized body goal; it has to be cultivated along the way. Self acceptance needs to be nurtured. 

If you don’t know “how to” approach yourself with love because it was not been modeled by your elders, turn to your friends and elders you do admire and ask. One of the best ways to break down taboos is to talk about them. I am so grateful to know many beautiful women that are older than I am. I witness them, look to them and learn from them. During the pandemic I saw many elder women allowing their natural grey-silver hair to grow out and they look stunning. The color of their eyes have become brighter because their entire complexion is as it is meant to be; naturally harmonized. It could be such a different world if people, especially women, all learned to turn inward instead of outward for validation.

I acknowledge I am not yet an elder and am merely in my mid-40’s, but I do hope that in sharing my truth it will inspire others to live more authentically and lovingly, with themselves. The entire make up of us - the Me. Myself. I - deserve to feel loved and accepted just as they are. We all do.

I haven’t decided what to do with my navel ring yet. Wear it as a pendant or toe ring perhaps? Or maybe just keep it in my jewelry box? But, I have decided that self love is a practice I can never do away with.