Two stars in my constellation shifted recently, their brightness now radiating from a different place in the world. My heart feels this shift, like a gravitational pull. The Knowingness of how we are all connected has kept me grounded in the Truth that they did not leave me, but are simply living their lives to the fullest. I know missing these starts is a part life. Great people do great things. They heed to the calling and allow themselves to navigate a new path when needed, whether the calling is near or far. I am surrounded by a great many superstars, honored to know these sensational spiritual warriors.
One said star is dear friend Nancy Brandon whom recently moved back to Michigan. Nancy (Nandini as I call her) and I (Shanti as she calls me) met during a yoga teacher training. Nancy has Parkinson’s, but it wasn’t Parkinson’s that caught my attention, it was her cooking. She has produced some of the best dishes I have ever tasted. EV-ER. I bond with women over food, like strangers commiserate over booze. Over the course of our training we became close and I watched Nandini overcome her daily challenges related to Parkinson’s. Nancy always did so with grace and even a dash of humor. I’m not inspired by Nancy because she has Parkinson’s, I’m inspired by the fact that despite Parkinson’s she manages to stay spirit-centered. She can be in pain, exhausted to the lowest of low and stay profoundly spiritual. I learn from her.
Nancy has opted to have a Deep Brain Stimulation procedure done as a means to control the effects of Parkinson’s. She’s bone-weary and I understand. Many of us support her decision, despite the possibility that she could die from a brain infection or hemorrhage. It’s the Yes to the bigger part of life that matters.
To learn more about Nancy Brandon’s journey for a Deep Brain Stimulation surgery, you can visit her Go Fund Me Campaign: https://www.gofundme.com/u7vxshz8
The second luminescent being is Sophia. When we met, the road signs were clear that our paths were meant to cross. We have certainly shared some interesting lessons but now appreciate the mastery we brought to one another, together. She’s a spiritualist who thinks outside of the box which enables me to breath a sigh of relief because she get’s it. Sophia is honoring her calling to move to Italy.
Constellations evolve. Every now and then the sun will cast its rays upon a new sister or brother. Some celestials shine bright and stoic like the North Star and enable me to find my way home when I’ve wondered out of orbit. Others, like astroids, blaze through and create a dazzling show not soon forgotten. Some, return to being heavenly bodies.
Setting: Summer 2002, No-Ho Studios, North Hollywood, CA.
Back stage before a Shakespeare recital.
I, a modern day Kate from “Taming of The Shrew,” wore a serious and sassy black ensemble while Kelly, my complimentary opposite wore flow-y white. The tall ex-model huskily said, “Hello, Luva-Luva.” I stopped in my tracks and blew her a kiss, “Hello back, Luva-Luva.” The exchange resulted in jaws dropping open, one guy drooled, another whispered “hell yessssss” and so it was Luva-Luva was born. From then on that was how Kelly and I referred to one another. The nick name became a term of affection: it meant hello and I love you all in one.
Luva Luva and I both lived in North Hollywood (No-Ho) during the time we pursued acting and thereafter. We both believed No-Ho was where we actually grew up; it’s where we found our voices, learned to be who we were and to trust and love ourselves.
Both Kelly and I realized the acting world was not for us and drifted along our own orbits until they recrossed in 2005, when I signed up to join The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) for the San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon. Kelly became my guardian angel throughout the entire process. On the day of the marathon, somewhere around mile 13 she ended up as my running buddy. Thank goodness because I don’t think I would have finished she had not stayed by my side. It was her third marathon, while it was my first, and she did it with the bottom of her feet torn up; littered with blisters.
At one point, I almost fell asleep in a port-a-pottie. I talked about quitting a few times, but she always managed to find something to say that inspired me. At mile 26 - exhausted, sore and hungry - I growled as a lovely young lady who cheered “Only .2 miles to go!”
Tania: I want to punch her in the throat.
Kelly: That’s not a good idea, Luva Luva. Just keep moving forward. We’re almost there.
Truth is; she knew I was capable and of course she was right.
Kelly embodied her eccentric qualities with a divine balance. She liked dive bars and farted in public but could walk like Grace Kelly and appreciated fine art. Luva-Luva was profoundly spiritual with the inner strength of a panther. We could laugh, be silly and hold deep conversations about our dreams and visions all in one evening.
Kelly later developed Aura seizers as a result of two car accidents that inflicted trauma to her brain stem. In May 2013, she died in her sleep from a seizure, in her No-ho studio apartment, just three months before she was to be married.
That seems like the ultimate missing, doesn’t it?
I miss Kelly (aka Luva Luva) quite often. She was the planet Venus in my constellation. When ever I pass through No-Ho, my heart feels that strong magnetic pull. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh. I know she’s with me for I can feel her. My ability to tap in has provided me great comfort and guidance when needed. Luva Luva did have a few messages for her dear sweet mother, of which I passed on, though I wonder if that only caused her mom more heart break.
At some point in time a fears years before Kelly died, her and I exchanged apartment keys. I said it was so we could help each other if we got locked out, but I did it as if I could prevent something from happening to her. I couldn’t.
I have connected with Nancy’s son Solomon so that in the event if something happens to Nancy, he’ll let me know. It won’t be preventative, that I know, but it makes me feel better. I could pester Sophia to make sure she posts her Italy adventures like crazy on FB so I can keep “track of her”, but I won’t because I can’t. I can’t control anything. I can just stand by and love. The love will always exist. That is something time nor distance can reduce.
I appreciate the friends that have watched me move forward in my own unique way, to dance with the moon at the rhythm of my heartbeat. For this is a process of life: we live, we love, we know, we learn and in order to move on, sometimes we have to let go.